In Malaysia, kiasuism (the fear of losing out) has evolved into a national personality type. We’ve made competitiveness a moral virtue. For some, getting into a full boarding school isn’t just a personal milestone, it’s the family’s brand story. For others, sending their children to London is less about education and more about exporting a trophy. You can’t really blame anyone. We’ve been taught that prestige is proof of existence. If you don’t look successful, do you even exist ?
So here’s a modest guide to de-kiasu yourself or, at least stretch toward something more genuine.
1. Flex Differently
Ambition tends to travel in herds. As Fortune said, The Bermuda Triangle of Talent being consulting, corporate law, investment banking. It’s not that these fields are bad, they just lack soul for those who are peer pressured to join them.
We’ve turned them into safe zones for prestige, not passion. You could be brilliant at art direction or urban policy or renewable energy, but if it doesn’t impress your aunties at the dinner table, you feel like you’ve lost.
But what if prestige could be redefined?
If you genuinely love banking, go for it. But if you’re only in it for the exclusivity, you might just be chasing someone else’s dream. It might not be a good flex at family gatherings, but it’s the kind that makes your 3 a.m. self a little prouder. So flex differently. Flex inward. That’s where meaning usually hides.
2. Learn for Fun Again
Somewhere between tuition classes and LinkedIn certificates, Malaysians forgot how to learn for fun. We read The Economist not because we’re curious about monetary policy, but because quoting it sounds smart over dinner. We discuss global affairs with the tone of a political analyst but the heart of a performative debater.
We treat knowledge like ammunition as something to use against others, not for ourselves. That’s kiasuism’s cruelest trick, it convinces us that curiosity is a competition.
So pick up a skill with no LinkedIn value. Read a book with no clear “career application.” Learn, simply because your brain lights up when it does. In a world where everyone’s running toward something shiny, the bravest thing might be to stop and ask, “Do I even want this?”
3. Celebrate the Quiet Wins
Not every success needs to be a public event. There’s quiet power in doing something well and only tell those who might really care about it, family and close friends for example. There’s no huge applause, but there’s a smaller one from those who truly matter.
Our generation has built a reflex for external validation. We post our productivity before we even process it. The irony is that we’re becoming emotionally bankrupt in our quest to appear accomplished.
This essay isn’t a call to stop dreaming. It’s a plea to dream honestly, not for prestige nor validation. Kiasuism tricks us into believing that ambition must always be public. But ambition without authenticity just breeds anxiety. You can be driven without being desperate and you can dream big without performing your dreams.
Stretch yourself but only far enough to reach what truly matters. The rest? Let it go. You don’t need to prove you’re extraordinary to everyone else. Just become someone you wouldn’t mind being alone with. Because in a world obsessed with standing out, maybe the real flex is being content.
